you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
