Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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