giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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