My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Randomize
