Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
