I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
You made out with two different species that night
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
