Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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