Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
