1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
