It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
