No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
