So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
