A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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