its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
