he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
