wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize