I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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