What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
she told me i tasted like america
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
