I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
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