Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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