is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
