I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
