You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
