you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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