Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
