i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize