Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
