i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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