Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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