I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
