mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize