so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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