If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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