I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
