Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
