the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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