Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
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