pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Welp...herpes.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
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