I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
