So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
