i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
You made out with two different species that night
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
