I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
