I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
