i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
