Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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