3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
