dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
