I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
