Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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