Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
