She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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