So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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