If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
