...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
