Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
