Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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