This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
