i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Randomize
