youre lurking in front of me
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Randomize
