My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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