just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
