I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
