I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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