We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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