You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
