Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
