I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
you will always have a special place in my vag
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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