Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
