I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
