That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
