don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
