Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Randomize
