I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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