It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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