Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
