Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
